Of Hearts and Shells: 50 Shades of Green (Ch 1)

Of Hearts and Shells : 50 Shades of Green

The Turtle lives 'twixt plated  decks

Which practically obscure its sex.

I think it clever of the turtle

In such a fix to be so fertile.

-Ogden Nash

A nymphomaniac is someone who has more sex than you do.

 - Alfred Kinsey

          Chapter 1 - You are Now Entering the Friend Zone

“You know this isn’t going to work out, right?”

Donatello looked up at her, his mouth full of sandwich, which he suddenly had remarkable trouble swallowing.  At his non-response, April continued.

“Us… This.”  She took his arm from around her shoulders.

“I thought you liked the picnics,” he said, finally getting the bite to go down. 

“The picnics are fine.  And I like spending time with you, but…” Her voice was full of melancholy, echoing off the walls of the subway tunnel they’d chosen to have lunch in.  “… that’s all it can ever be.  It’s like we’re kidding ourselves if we keep going… thinking we can be in love, have a normal relationship…”

“’Normal relationship,’ humph.”  He had to agree with her there; it was anything but normal… one human girl, one mutant turtle.  That they were together at all was completely insane.

“Exactly.”

“But I do lo—“

“Don’t! … Donnie, just… don’t.”  She sighed and pushed herself away from him and up to her feet on the deserted platform.  “It doesn’t matter if we have feelings for each other… they’re just leading us down a dead-end street… Don’t you see?”

Of course he could.  He knew, knew from the start, that he’d been deluding himself.  He had even tried to tell himself that it was just a crush, that he would get over it—that he needed to get over it—but, that was when April started returning his affections.  The overwhelming joy pushed all doubts aside, because nothing else mattered more at that point.  Now, though… the fall was that much higher. 

“Yeah,” he said, a bit dourly, “I understand.”  And he did understand.  Understood completely.  She craved the normal life she had had; one where she could go out with friends, in the middle of the day, no less… to walk down the street without wondering where they were watching her from, or smelling like the sewers…  She wanted to get married one day, and have children.  Normal children.  Not mutant children.

Of course, now that she knew what was out there, knew what monsters lurked in the darkness, good or evil, life would never be completely normal for her ever again.  The whole alien invasion and mutant mess had seen to that.  You couldn’t unsee it, especially when you were so involved in it all.

His heart burned in his chest, aching with the loss.  It wanted to beg her to stay, to tell her not to do this… but, no.  Donatello steeled himself.  It was a hard letdown, but she was right… if not now, when?  Some other time down the road?  No sense in dragging it out…

He couldn’t be angry about it… he still loved her too much, and he knew her intentions were good.  His love for her would remain, he was sure, unfulfilled though it was.  And he knew the love she felt for him wouldn’t entirely leave her either.  The love would continue, even though the relationship could not.  And since he loved her, and wanted the best for her, the best thing he could do was to let her go.

But oh, god, it ached…

He forced down the lump in his throat and tossed the remains of his sandwich onto the tracks, then stood to join her.  “We’ll still be friends, though, won’t we?” he asked hesitantly. 

She sniffed deeply.  He thought he saw her wipe a sleeve over her eyes as she stooped to pick up their basket.  “Of course we will,” she said with an overt attempt to be cheerful.  “Come on.”  She grabbed him by the hand.  He habitually curled his three large fingers around it, but this time he especially noted the disparity in size.  “Wanna whack each other with sticks when we get back?” she asked mischievously.

He brightened a little at this.  “You’re on!”  Some sparring would be a welcome distraction, not to mention a good outlet of aggression.  “And I’m gonna beat you this time too!”

“No you’re not!” April laughed back.  He loved her laugh.  The thought stung him again as he realized it.  He pushed it away.  This was how things were going to have to be.

“I might!” he replied defensively, and this time they laughed together.

The match between them was getting heated.  Their strikes against each other came at a furious pace.  Donatello rolled left to avoid an overhead blow from April’s rattan training staff.  The impact on the floor cracked like a gunshot.  Don took a swipe at her legs to trip her, but she jumped over his bo and aimed another swift blow at his side.  He had time to dodge, and her swing, while it connected with his shell, didn’t weaken his stance.   He went into an overhead spin, aiming a downward jab at her.  She leapt backward, evading in that intuitive way of hers, and came back at him with a spinning swing from the side.  He parried and, after a tense moment, forced her back.

In the half a year that she had been training with Splinter, she had learned much.  She was a quick study, and could read many of her opponents’ attacks before they struck.  She was an absolute ace with her tessen, but in the course of their relationship, Donnie had begun training her with the staff as well, so that they could spar on even footing.  Master Splinter had approved: “Teaching another provides oneself a greater mastery of one’s own knowledge.”  It had been a fun activity that he and April could share, and he loved that he could share his expertise with her… but… Now she was almost outpacing his skills.  She adapted quickly, anticipated many of his moves, and extemporized techniques in ways that left him floored… literally, likely as not.  About the only advantages he still had over her were the speed of his attacks and superior strength.  And, well, his shell.

She wasn’t holding back today; maybe she felt she had no more obligation to.  He found himself having to be rougher with her just to match her ferocity.  The intensity of the match had even drawn Leo and Raph’s attention away from their own match to watch them go at it.  They joined Michelangelo, who, partnerless for the moment, was sitting on the sidelines with a bowl of popcorn.

Their staves clacked together as they matched blows.  Back, spin, forward; back, spin, forward.  The tempo of their swings at each other increased to a point where Donnie felt that she was getting ahead of him, and rolled back, giving himself a chance to strike toward her feet and—Did she just jump that before he’d even gotten the bo into the beginning of its arc?? 

Stunned, he didn’t recover quick enough, and gave April the opportunity to land a stab to his fore-plating, right at the heart.  It threw him back, but he regained his feet and came at her with a blocking spin.  He struck; she parried, eye to eye with him, until he made an attempt to disarm her by getting his bo under hers.  She flipped to the left.  He followed the movement, and the two of them went cartwheeling around the practice area in a near-perfect circle.  They wheeled around at such speed that their audience had to scramble out of the way, trailing alarmed shouts and kernels of popcorn.

She eventually broke away from him, going into a blazingly fast side spin.  He knew this.  He had this.  She ran toward him.  All he had to do was block forward and— The end of her staff hit the floor a yard in front of him and she… pole-vaulted?!  Where had she learned that move?! he wondered.  He spun his bo behind him, blocking her next swing instinctively with a backward thrust.  He felt the end impact flesh and heard an “Oh!” from April.

Concerned, he dropped his guard and turned to face her.  “Are you all r—OOF!”  The rattan staff rammed into his cheek.  He reeled, seeing stars, and had no time to recover before she swept his feet out from under him with her next maneuver.  He landed on his back.  Even with a shell, the fall knocked the wind out of him.  It was over.  April gave him a prim bow, then without meeting his eyes or saying a word, left.

“Whoa,” Leonardo finally managed. 

“Yeah, that was definitely more intense than usual,” Raphael nodded, as Donnie, coughing, slowly rose back to his knees.  “She really looked like she was going in for the kill there.”

Mikey’s eyes suddenly went wide.  “You guys broke up, didn’t you?!”  The others blinked at him.  Mikey was not known for being astute. 

Donnie sighed and nodded in confirmation.  “Yeah.”

Mike tsked.  “I knew it!”

Leo threw him a skeptical look.  “You.  Knew it.”  Raph gave him a matching stare.

“You guys didn’t see that?”  Mikey looked frustrated.  “Look… normally when they spar, it’s like a dance, like they both want to be there with each other.  This time, Donnie wanted to dance, and April was in it for an all-out brawl!”  He shook his head.  “Dude didn’t stand a chance…”

Raph turned to Leo.  “How is he seeing this?”

“I dunno,” he replied.  “Maybe we should stop letting him sit on the sidelines all the time…”

“Donnie, what the hell did you say to her?” Raph accused.

“I… what?  Nothing!  She was the one that wanted to break it off!  And she was fine and happy with it half an hour ago…”

“Dude,” Mikey said soberly, “she’s really hurting.”

Raph waved his arms at Mike.  “How does he keep doing tha— Ya know what?  I don’t even care.  I’m out of this conversation.”  Leo rolled his eyes as their brother stormed off. 

Donnie finally joined them, back on his feet.  “But what’s with the aggression?  She was fine with it—she broke up with me!”

“That’s what’s tearing her up, man!  This is probably the hardest thing she’s ever had to do!  Think about it… she’s independent, and strong, and kind,” Mikey listed, “and she wouldn’t want to hurt you… she loves you!  Did she cry?”

Donnie thought back.  “A little.  She tried to hide it.”

“Uh huh, mm-hmm,” Mikey nodded, crossing his arms.

“Soooo… what did she leave you for?” Leo asked.

Don looked at his feet.  “Oh, ya know… incompatibility issues.”

“Um, wut?”  Mikey said, encountering an unfamiliar word.

“It’s because I’m a turtle,” Donnie explained for him.

“Oh, man… That’s rough.”

Don nodded.  “And, you know, she’s right… she’s completely justified in breaking it off, because if things went any further, there would just be that much more heartbreak… but…” He huffed, and continued mostly to himself,  “… but, what am I ever gonna do without her?”